College and Chemo Brain

I'm sorry that its been so long since I've given you all an update, I really wasn't born to be a blogger. It's not that I don't care to update you all on my health and what's been happening in my life because I do! I just always forget, or when I do remember to get on here, I know that I should be spending that time doing homework and studying instead. Yep! You heard me, I am officially a college student again! I decided to squeeze in one more semester of school at the U before I moved to Cali because quite honestly, I was scared that I would never go back. So I pushed my moving date to the end of December and I am currently taking a few classes towards my Exercise and Sports Science degree. As well as a yoga class! Yoga has been one of the best things for me in my recovery process. It is such a cleanse of the mind, body (I sweat like CRAZY in there), and the soul. I feel so spiritually sound after each class which is something I really cherish after the year that I've had. But along with yoga, I am also taking Sports Psychology, Sports in American Society, and Biology. And here is the biggest shocker, I'm actually doing the best in my Biology class, but here's why.

I have this super amazing professor named Professor Temme and the way he teaches is so amazing. He doesn't teach you to get a good grade, he actually teaches you to learn. I don't really know how else to describe it other than there's no memorizing, there's no last minute cramming for a test, either you understand the concepts or you don't. Which I am SO grateful to have a teacher like him, especially this semester. I think I've kind of explained what chemo brain is to you guys, but in case I haven't or you didn't read it, I'll let you know again because it is such a huge part of my life right now. As far as my post cancer/chemo/radiation symptoms go, all of my main symptoms are gone besides a very persistent cough and sore throat, the fatigue is still as present as ever, my hormones are ALL over the place (my Dr. says its kind of like going through puberty all over again but with hot flashes like menopause....great), and the most annoying of all would be my chemo brain. 

The term chemo brain can be kind-of misleading because new studies have shown that it can also be caused by just the cancer itself, so it's also known as cognitive dysfunction or mental fogginess. And it's exactly that. For me personally, I have a very difficult time finding common words from my vocabulary and getting them to come out of my mouth properly. I get really tongue tied, or I can't remember what the word is all together. I struggle putting entire sentences together when I'm talking to someone, almost like my mouth and my brain aren't connected, or most of the time like my brain is just shut off. I have a really hard time focussing on things, and when I can pay attention to whatever it is, I can't store it into my short or long term memory properly so I end up forgetting it. And the absolute worst part of it, which can be directly linked to the chemo, is my memory loss. So many times in the past few months my friends and family have been reminiscing on something and will say, "Do you remember when we did this..?" and I have absolutely no recollection of it.

And I know what most of you are thinking, That happens to me all the time! At least that is what EVERYONE says to me when I try to explain what chemo brain is, and I'm not here to say that's not true because I know it is, these symptoms are all things that happen to us. But the difference is that that's how my brain is about 90% of the day. It doesn't just happen once a week, or once a day, it is ALL the time. I know you are just trying to relate and I do appreciate that, but I just want you to know that it's not the same. But I really wish it was!!! The doctors say it can last a couple months, a couple years, or it might never go away, (which will NOT be the case here) but they told me that working out and going to school and using my brain as much as possible (as hard as it is) can help reduce the symptoms, so I am doing just that. I actually found a t-shirt online that said, "I have chemo brain, what's your excuse?" and I want it so bad! It explains my entire life right now. 

So besides feeling mentally impaired all the time, having pre-teen acne and cramps all over again, and always coughing like a 3 pack a day smoker, I am doing amazing! But in all seriousness, I really am doing great. It sounds bad when I put it all in the same sentence but it's about 50/50 complaining and just trying to update you on where I am in my recovery process. 

I ran my first half marathon about a month ago since being diagnosed, and I am going to San Francisco this weekend for another one! I am slow as molasses, (I blame my poor chemo stricken lungs) but I am just so happy that I have my health back and am able to start doing the things I love again. Don't get me wrong, I definitely do not love running, but I do love working out and treating my body right, so running I will continue to do. 

That's about all I have for now, this turned out to be waaay longer than I planned for it to be, so if you read that whole thing, then you're amazing! Thank you to all my amazing support system, including the 45,000 viewers of my blog! It is so crazy to me that there's that many of you willing to read through all of my rambling and follow my crazy journey and I just can't thank you enough!!!!! XOXOX

P.S. I will post about my Europe trip soon! In the meantime, here is a hair update! This picture is like a month old, so it looks just like this but longer!

A whole lot of catching up..

I think it's only fitting that I change the name of my blog, seems as how I am cancer free now!? Wow. Who would've thought that I would be saying that I beat cancer before I can legally get into the club? I know this might not make sense to most of you, but I feel lucky.. blessed almost, to have been through what I have. No, I wouldn't ask to have cancer, but the people that I've been lucky enough to meet through this journey, along with the courage and the strength inside of me that I didn't realize I had and the second outlook on life (yes, that really is a thing), has changed my life and 100% for the better.

My entire life I have been in love with the beach and I have always thought, "I want to move to LA one day". I never thought that day would actually come though, my entire family and support system is in Salt Lake and has always been in Salt Lake, how could I leave that? It was especially hard about a year and a half ago when I lost my best friend in a car accident. If it weren't for my family, my friends, and my football roomies to sidetrack me and keep me busy, I don't know what I would have done. Then after almost a year had gone by, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was almost a sign from Seth that just because he's gone, doesn't mean that I need to stop living my life. For the longest time I couldn't see myself ever doing anything again that I had ever done with him. I stopped going back home where he had a room in our house, I stopped going to my dads company where he worked, I stopped hanging out with all of our old friends, I stopped hiking up to our favorite look out. I just couldn't imagine life going on the way it was, without the most amazing guy in it. I'm thankful for my roommate and all of his friends for keeping me company and entertained but after a while, I realized I was only masking the problem. Instead of mourning his death and trying to accept the truth of the matter, I just ignored it and pushed it out of my head.

Finding out that I had cancer one hundred percent opened my eyes to everything that had been happening, or lack thereof. I realized that I wasn't living my life to the fullest and that my dreams were just sitting on the top shelf in my closet collecting dust. So I immediately went to LA with Brian to tour a fashion school and started making some plans for when I beat cancer. And that's the thing, I KNEW I would beat it. There was never a doubt in my mind. Everyone always applauds me for my positive attitude and bravery and for a while I thought it was the weirdest thing, I've never really been the bravest person, let alone the most positive. But when I heard my diagnosis I never even thought that dying was a possibility. It literally never crossed my mind, I KNEW everything was going to be okay. Cancer was simply a bump in the road to my crazy journey ahead and I really think that made the world of the difference. I always say, there's not point in worrying because no good will come of it at all. The only thing worrying will do is make the situation worse, which in the eyes of cancer, is the worst thing you can do.

So here I am, the week of my 21st birthday, preparing myself to go to Europe with one of my best friend's for two weeks, all the while packing up my condo to move to California. That's right! In case you haven't already heard, I will be moving to the Santa Monica area on September 19th!!!! I;m not going to school out there right away and to be completely honest I don't really have a set plan. I'm just going to pack up and move out there and trust that everything is going to work out! Thanks to everyone for all the positive words and encouragement, it's been one hell of a year but I am SO much stronger because of that! I am so grateful for the life that I live and that I get to continue to live it every single day.

If there's one thing that you take away from this post, I hope it's that life is a gift. That sounds cheesy but I mean it with every ounce of my body. Stop looking at all the negative things in your life and counting up all your problems and realize just how lucky you are to have those problems. I was lucky enough to have gotten what they say is the best kind of lymphoma you can get. Yes, I am lucky for my cancer. There were so many people that my family and I had the pleasure of getting to know at the hospital whose prognosis wasn't as great as mine. There is always going to be someone out there worse off than you are.. Remember that next time you want to complain about something, anything at that matter.

Don't take advantage of your life, you only get one!

XOXOX

REMISSION!!!

For those of you who haven't heard already... I am in REMISSION!!! On my last day of radiation I met with Dr. Gafney and he said the cancer is completely gone and that I am in remission! I got a cute blanket and a certificate for graduating radiation treatments just like at chemo, it was so fun. All the nurses and technicians gave me their best and in return I gave them all donuts! They have all been so amazing to me at the radiation clinic and I was almost sad to be done. I'm so so glad that my cancer is gone but I really will miss all the amazing people at the hospital! And I know they'll miss me just as much, I'm the most fun and probably only patient under 35 years old ;)

So I know what you guys are going to ask next.. What did you do to celebrate? Well my amazing aunt and uncle took me out boating with them and some of friends up at Pineview Reservoir the same day I found out I was in remission. I went from the hospital to their house and off we went! It was such a blast out on the lake, we went tubing and wake boarding. Tubing was so fun I thought I was going to pee my swim bottoms and wake boarding... It was fun at first!...until I fell and found out later that night that I broke my ankle (the end of my tibia bone) and needed surgery to get screws put in!
JUST MY LUCK! So I had surgery about a week and a half ago and will have to be on crutches for another six weeks.

Also this year is my 21st birthday! My friend Chelsie and I are flying to paris on my actual birthday at the end of July and will be there for a week, until we fly to Germany to spend another week. I have never been to Europe so I am so so excited! regardless of the fact that I will still be in a walking boot. I'm just thankful to be alive and healthy! Thank you to every one of you that has been there for me on this crazy journey that I am glad to say is finally over! Let's celebrate!!!! XOXOX

Radioactive

Today I had my first radiation treatment! I realized that I haven't updated you guys about my radiation plans so here we are. I met with Dr. Gafney, my radiation oncologist that I LOVE, a couple weeks ago to review my PET scan results and to plan my radiation treatment process. He told me that I could not have responded better to the chemo treatments which was so awesome to hear! If my results would have been from a normal person, they wouldn't even be able to detect the amount of cancer that I still have, but since they already know of my cancer, they can see the tiniest amount that's left. So we all decided that radiation was definitely a good idea, we want this to be a one and done deal! So Dr. Gafney and his resident showed me my PET scan too so I could see exaclty where and how much cancer I had which was really cool I'm not going to lie. The red/orange spots on the scan are the cancerous cells, the left one is before chemo and the right is after chemo.

 

So after looking at the scans, Dr. Gafney said that he wants to do fifteen treatments of radiation. The difference between this and chemo is that radiation is everyday Monday through Friday. So they then told me they were fitting me for my mask today and giving me my tattoos. They took me back into this room, laid me on this tiny table and got to work. Keep in mind Dr. Gafney and his resident are both in the room along with one male and two female radiation tech's. So they all start poking and prodding at me, drawing all over my face and abdomen with permanent marker, making notes of where and how they're going to set me up for treatments. Once they get all of their markings in place they tell me they are going to start making the mold for my mask and to lie still. In order to make the mask they drape this large peice of soaking wet and HOT plastic that has holes in it over my face. I'm not going to lie it felt a little suffocating and probably the closest to water boarding that I'll ever experience. Luckily it cooled down and dried fairly quickly,  I just had to lay there for close to twenty minutes while the mask dried. It wasn't as fun as it sounds but I have to say every single person I have worked with in radiation has been so amazing! 

This is my mask all dry and ready to go. It's hard as a rock so I
can't really swallow or even open my eyes.

 

Those fish scales are from my mask,

it's that tight!

This is me on my first day of radiation, today.
I had the nurse take a picture so you could see how crazy it is.

 

This picture is unrelevant to this post but I just want to add
I'm so thankful for makeup! Without eyebrows and eyelashes
I really do look like a cancer patient. ;)

Drum Roll Please!!

I had a post chemo PET scan on monday to see how many lymph nodes are still hyper metabolic (cancerous) and had to wait until today to get my results. We had an appointment this morning at Huntsman to get my results and take some more tests. They had the hardest time getting blood return from my port... again, they always have a hard time but today was extra difficult. Man am I ready to get this thing taken out. Anyways, they finally got it to work after about 16 tubes of saline (they usually only need 2 or 3), and we went back to meet with my doctor.

Every time we have met with my oncologist, I have been less than impressed. He never informs his staff of his plans, let alone me! I don't mean to trash talk him either though because he saved my life, sort of, but man I just am not impressed with him. Anyways, we didn't even get to meet with Dr. Halwani today!! My nurse and my nurse practitioner gave me my results. Which I am not mad about at all, they are some of the most amazing people I've met. SO, Mary (my nurse), was pulling my results out of the printer and as she was walking back to Renee (my NP) to review my test results she says, "This is the worst printer I've ever seen!" Well all I heard was "This is the worst..", so I thought she was talking about my test results! I freaked out for a second but it was actually pretty funny. And then they gave me the results..

AND DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!! 

Of all my cancerous lymph nodes, there is one left and it has shrunk so much from that chemo that they believe it will go completely away on its own in the next few weeks!!! I can't say that I'm cancer free yet because I don't want to jinx that last little guy, but the prognosis was amazing! I still meet with my radiation oncologist on Wednesday so he can review my results and decide what we should do regarding radiation. My guess is that we will still go through with a little bit of radiation just to help that last little guy along and to be safe! I'd rather get rid of every last little bit right now and not have to worry as much later on in life. 

So that's that! The chemo worked and we are so close to being done with this mess! XOXOX!!!

My Last Chemo Treatment!!!!!

Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. in the Infusion Center at The Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah I, Alexis Marie Isbell, will be receiving my last chemotherapy treatment for stage 2b Hodgkin's Lymphoma!! Hopefully ever, but lets not jinx it, I'm still young and my chances of having cancer again in my lifetime are unfortunately a lot higher than most of you, purely because I've had it already. I have never been more excited to get poisoned!

After tomorrow the doctors will wait about 10 days for my last chemo treatment to run its course through my system, to start doing tests. Then they'll do another PET scan to see how much of the cancer is gone and how much of it, if any, remains. Once they get the results of that, I'll meet with my radiation oncologist again to find exactly how many sessions of radiation I'll need. Then I'll make another appointment to get fitted for my radiation mask and tattoos! Say what?! The mask is like a mesh thing that wraps around your face and is extremely tight. A friend of mine who went through the exact same thing as me, says that it's so tight that if I go into it with my eyes open I can close them, but if I go into it with my eyes closed, I can't open them! Crazy huh. The tattoos aren't as cool as they sound, they are just little freckle sized dots surrounding the area they will treat, so that they know they are treating the exact same area every single time. After I get fitted for my mask I'll have to wait another week or so to start treatment. Then I'll undergo about three weeks of radiation therapy, which unlike chemo, I have to go in every day for. It should only take up about 30 minutes of my day, and the actual radiation part only lasts about two minutes. The main side effects are fatigue (what's new?), sensitive skin in the treatment area (like a sunburn), and a sore throat. Overall, WAY better than chemo!!

It feels like that last four months of my life have dragged on, but I am so excited to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Seven Down, One To Go!

It's crazy to me to see how people react in the face of death and disease. When I was diagnosed with cancer a little over three months ago, there were a few people in my life that I knew would be there for me throughout this journey. At least I thought so. They always say that hard times bring out the best and the worst in people but I've never experienced that more than I have right now. Some of my absolute closest friends turned out to be the most distant throughout my recovery and vice versa. The amount of people that have stepped up and really showed their support is overwhelming and I am so thankful for all of you. I try to focus on the good rather than the bad especially in situations like this where that seems to be all that I see most days. Cancer isn't pretty and there aren't many perks to it so when I find one I've got to take it for all that it's worth. 

Yesterday I started my last round of chemo!!! I have one more treatment left and then it's on to radiation. I met with a radiation oncologist earlier this week to learn a little bit more about the process and I'm not going to lie, he said a lot of scary things. In case you didn't know, my lymph nodes that have been infected by the cancer start in my neck, my collar bone area, and continue down around my heart and my left lung. When they start the radiation they want to make sure they treat all of the infected areas which means the radiation will target part of my thyroid, my lung, my heart, and some breast tissue. Because the radiation can be so damaging there are a lot of potential risks with this area the main ones being breast cancer, hypothyroidism, lung diseases, and pericarditis. My initial thought after hearing all of that was nooo way! I'll take my chances with my lymphoma reoccurring. Well turns out, if I don't do the radiation my chances of the lymphoma coming back are almost a sure bet and it's much harder to treat the second time around and I'd be looking at multiple bone marrow transplants. If I go on and do the radiation, because of my age and the fact that my cancer is only in stage two, the chances of all those other complications happening are very low. I've decided to do the radiation this time around and pray to the universe that no cancer or any other disease will come from it! It's safe to say that I am officially sick of being sick and am counting down the days until this nightmare is over and I can have my health and most importantly my hair back! Or is it the other way around..?

Just Another Bump in the Road!

Man I wish that my blog was about something more fun and light hearted like fashion or food! Something we all love, not something we all hate. Wouldn't that be the life?!

Tomorrow will be the end of my third round of chemo. After tomorrow I will only have two more treatments and then I'll be done, right? Wrong! Two weeks ago, when I went in for my fifth chemo treatment, I was scheduled to come in a few hours early to get some lab work done and to meet with the oncologist which we do about every other treatment. While we waited for over an hour to meet with my doctor my mom did a puzzle in the waiting room with me.

 SO much fun right? It sure beats the alternative! If I had the chance to go to HCI and just play puzzles without getting any poison fed into my veins, I would go there every single day. If only! Well we finally got back to meet with Dr. Halwani and after a few minutes of talking to him he informed us that about two weeks after I finish all of my chemo treatments and finish my testing I will have to start.... drum roll please.... Radiation!!!! Radiation sucks because I'll have to come in everyday Monday through Friday for about an hour to receive treatment. We aren't sure about the exact game plan yet, I'll meet with a Radiation Oncologist on April Fools (Ironic right?) to learn more about it but as of now we're thinking about 2-4 weeks.

Yet another bump along the road, but nothing I can't beast through! At this point, if things stay according to the plan, I am officially half way. Fortunately, I hear that radiation is a walk in the park compared to chemo, so hopefully this will be the easier half of the two. As of now I am still continuing to coach the cutest volleyball team ever, taking a practice or two off directly after chemo. It's the only normal part of my life left so I swore no matter how hard it got that I wouldn't give it up, but so far I haven't needed to. They really are an amazing group of girls and their families have all been so helpful and understanding.

A few of the girls after we took first at our last tournament! 

 I honestly don't know what I would do without all of the love and support from you guys. Especially my family, you guys mean everything to me!!

Strategically placed heart because
I just love you guys! ;)

Half Way...Hopefully!

Man I have never been more excited and frustrated at the same time! First off let's all just celebrate a little that I am officially half way through with Chemo! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! The frustrating part is that we don't know how my body/the cancer is reacting at all and we won't have any idea for at least another month. All I know is that the lumps on my next are nearly gone, (thank goodness) and I feel like crap almost all the time (not thank goodness). Everyone says you're gonna kick cancer's butt, but they don't ever tell you how it's gonna kick your butt! Nausea, headaches, being bald, fatigue, insomnia, the taste of poison in my mouth constantly, chemo brain (I feel so dumb!), hot flashes/cold sweats, constipation (sorry, gross..), etc. The list goes on!!

The being bald thing though I think is one of the worst, next to the sickness obviously. Man I didn't think I would miss my hair this much! Yeah I'm rocking the bald look but only because I have to don't get me wrong. I would take a full head of hair any day of the week. With that being said, I like to look at this as a do-over. Pun intended. Before I lost my hair I was blonde for a while, which damaged it like nobody's business, and then I made an impulse decision and dyed it near black (which I did not love). Now when my hair grows back, not only do I get to go through all kinds of crazy short hairstyles that I would never do otherwise, but I get to start over! Growing it all out and going blonde the healthy way, well a healthier way. It's unfortunate that this is what it had to come to for me to have short hair, but hey we'll take it. 

I know I go on and on about how amazing my family and friends are but it really gets more and more humbling every single day. My Aunt Mikell and her cousin Whitney have decided to do a fundraiser in my name. What are they selling? Pink hair extensions! How awesome is that? We are having a big party where they are going to be putting in the extensions and I couldn't be more excited! 

A friend of Whitney's was also so unbelievably gracious and has decided to sell her necklaces in my name as well! Her flyer is above and she also has an etsy shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/CustomizedByKarli. You can order your necklace there with a coupon code "LOVEFORLEXI" until March 8th so head on over and check her shop out! 

I have also had the experience of getting my eyelashes done by yet another one of Whitney's friends. (I can't say enough amazing things about you Whit, you are seriously such a sweetheart!!!!) If you are looking for someone to do you eyelash extensions, Eyelashes by Miranda is where you want to go! Miranda did such a great job on mine and not to mention she is such a sweetheart and chose not to charge me because of what I am going through!

That's all I have for you guys, until next time.. XOXOX!

Cancer + 20's + Valentine's Day

So you wanna know what it's like to have cancer in your twenties? Well it is a little something like this. 

You know that massive hangover you've gotten before from spending a night out with your friends at the bar or at a party, drinking way too much and talking to tons of people you'll probably never meet again? Yeah that one that makes you think, "I am never drinking alcohol again a day in my life!!" Where you lay on the couch all day watching crappy TV, stuffing your face with crappy foods trying to feel remotely human again? That extremely horrible feeling after drinking that you get every so often that makes you slow down on your alcohol intake for the next few weeks? (Not like I would know that feeling from alcohol Grandma, I've just "heard"..) WELL my friends, that is how I feel nonstop the first 3-4 days after chemo and on and off every hour or so the next 3 days after that. Luckily for me, I only have chemo every other week so there is a week in between where I do feel relatively normal, with the hangover sensation only appearing once or twice a day. But still.. A full "normal" day would be so nice right about now.. 

Being physically/mentally/emotionally sick while everyone else around you is completely fine jut going on about their day- there are many words to describe how I feel but I think the most fitting one is probably restless. I feel exhausted but I can't sleep (without drugs that is, we finally got some medication to help with that one). I feel wanderlust but can't leave. I feel cold but can't ever seem to warm up without getting freaking hot flashes!! (How old am I??) 

But to me, I feel like staying positive is the only option I have. Ever since day one, it has never been an "if" I was going to beat cancer it has always been a "when". I never gave myself the option to be scared because there was no point, I wasn't going to let a little bit of lymphoma get in the way of me pursuing my dreams and living out the rest of my life. That is until I looked at the #hodgkinslymphoma hashtag on Instagram the other day and saw all of these people who have lost loved ones to this same disease. People just like me, fighting the exact same battle, who have died. It was extremely eye opening to me. And not in the way where I feel scared now, or worried that I won't beat this because deep inside I know that I will. I know that there is so much more to my life than what I have lived and so many more dreams I have left to chase. However, I almost feel lucky. Which I know sounds silly to hear a 20 year old girl with cancer say she feels lucky. But I do. Ever since I got the initial diagnosis I've been lucky. 
Lucky that the tests came back Lymphoma rather than Leukemia. 
Lucky that we caught it early. 
Lucky to have such an amazing facility such as the Hunstman Cancer Institute so close to home. 
Lucky to have the family and friends that I do.
Lucky to have the financial support of my dad so we don't have to worry about the bills.
Lucky to be ALIVE.

Sure I might be a little bitter that this is the hundredth Valentine's Day that I don't have a date, but I am lucky to be alive, and I don't know about all of you guys, but that's enough for me. 

Bald Heads, Photoshoots and A Lot of Selfies

I'm not very good at this whole updating the blog thing! I'll get the hang of this eventually, just in time to kick the cancer and get healthy again! We are currently in week five of this chemo nonsense and I'm a little sick of this already. This week has been the hardest by far, and the treatments seem to get worse each time too. By the end of all this, I am going to be unbreakable.

Between the last post and now, my hair has been falling out like crazy! My parents (and stepmom) has been so supportive of this and I couldn't be more blessed! My dad organized a head shaving party last week at his work and you would be blown away by the amount of guys that are willing to shave their heads for me! Including one of my best friends from junior high school who flew out from Arizona to be there. (I told every girl that offered to shave her head to show support for me, that I wasn't comfortable with that. Just because I have to be bald, there's no sense in making you bald too!) But on the note, a HUUUUGE shootout to Shelby Mall, the sweetest friend of mine from high school, for cutting off all of her hair to donate to locks of love! You are so selfless, it means more to me than I know! 

I chose to wait to shave my hair for a couple of days though so that I could make a photoshoot out of it with one of my dads best friends! (He also wins the prize for the most rad guy I know too.) I wish I could post some pictures from it but he's entering them into some killer art show so you guys will have to wait to see them! Okay maybe I'll post a few behind the scenes...

Another killer thing happened this weekend and if you're friends with my on Facebook you can see that my grandma chose to dye her hair pink too! She makes it look way better than I do.. Love you to the moon and back! <3

And last but not least, today we started round 2 of chemo (my third session). Unfortunately as I said earlier they seem to get worse and worse. My mom and dad normally come with me to chemo but my mom was out of town for work so it was just me and my dad this time. We tried to keep it as fun as possible but unfortunately the words, infusion room and fun don't really go together all that well. At least we tried!

This is Adriamyacin. It's the A in ABVD. They call in the Red Devil and the name couldn't be more fitting. This is what changes my taste buds and makes everything taste like metal. YUCK.

My dad just wigging out

And to end wrap up the last two weeks in the post, I might as well leave you with a sick and bald selfie of me doing my best to survive my third treatment! Xoxox!

Go Bald or Go Home

I've been laying awake since 5 a.m. unable to fall back asleep which is something very rare to me. If any of you know me, you that I can sleep through anything. When I was a kid at the racetrack I would take naps during any class you can name, including the jet cars. (Seriously, we have pictures!) Now I can't even sleep through my roommate's alarm clock through two closed doors and a hallway. (Stupid 6 a.m. football runs) I'm wondering if it's a side effect of the chemo or the cancer itself or just being overall more restless and on edge but over the past month or so I have been the lightest sleeper. It's actually pretty creepy, every time I fall asleep on the couch and Brian tries to take the remote from me, I wake up instantly. I'm pretty sure it scares him every single time but hey what can I say, don't change my shows! ;)

Anyways, as I mentioned in my last post my hair has started falling out. Not something every 20 year old girl normally deals with when they wake up and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bugged by it. I can't say that I'm sad because hello it's just hair but in my point in life right now, unfortunately looks are a big deal. Not many college boys are gonna see bald and think, "Wow she's good looking." (Or whatever it is that college boys say, let's keep it PG here!) But at the same time I'm almost excited that it's coming out because that means the drugs are working and that I'm one step closer to a normal healthy life again. I think to sum it all up in one word, I'm anxious. Anxious about going bald, anxious about putting school on hold, anxious about if I'm being a good enough coach for my team. It's just an overlying feeling that seems to come with every situation now and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with that.

Coming into all of this I never would've expected the amount of support I have received. I realize I say this in every post but it truly is the most important part of my entire journey. It's so humbling to know that all of you guys have my back and that we're all in this together. I love you guys so much and I'll be forever indebted to every single one of you. So much love to all of you!!! Xoxox.

Welp.. This sucks

So as you all know, I had my second chemo treatment this week meaning we're officially finished with round one! There is good news and bad news that comes with that.. The good news is that we're already finished with one round of treatment, but the bad news is we actually have one more additional round of chemo. As we went in to check with Dr. Halawni before treatment on Thursday, he told us that we are actually doing four months of treatment rather three. Just a little setback I guess. I'm willing to go through whatever it's going to take to get me back to 100%!

As far as my symptoms have been this time around... not as fun as the first treatment. The nausea is REAL. I can't get out of bed without feeling lightheaded and queazy and needing to throw up. Unfortunately the medication I take to help control the nausea makes it so that I cannot throw up, or release pressure from the other end either. (Sorry if that's too much information!) Lucky for me though, I have new symptoms to worry about. Like swollen gums and mouth sores all down my throat, or a tender scalp and the loss of my cotton candy pink hair. Yep... My hair has officially started falling out. My dad and a bunch of his friends from work have decided to make a party about it so Tuesday the 28th at noon we will have a huge head shaving party! If you're a guy and willing to shave your head or if you just want to come party with us let me know and I will get you the address! It's gonna be fun and we'll have food ;)

As of right now I've just been snuggling my lovely couch pretty much 24/7 waking up for the occasional  snack. My tastebuds have changed for the worse so a lot of foods that I'm craving or would normally love taste horrible and metal-y. And because of all of my new awesome symptoms you could guess that I'm a little grumpy. Sorry Mom, Dad, Brian, Bobby and anyone else that I may have freaked out on.. 

Love you all! Xoxox

Diets or Donuts?

I think I got in a little over my head with my last post about dinner and laundry. My fridge is currently stocked with pre-made dinners whether it's homemade, store bought, or restaurant leftovers. I am definitely not complaining about it, I'm so excited every time I open my fridge and see so many delicious options but I think my scale is a little upset... as well as my esophagus aka heartburn. Before my diagnosis, I had spent the last 4-5 months sticking to a 90% clean diet and spending hours in the gym every week. The freshman fifteen is a real thing, especially when I was playing volleyball at Westminster. And let's just say our team loved food. Well I finally realized that I wanted to get healthy and stuck to a fairly strict (vegetarian) diet for a few months. And I love it honestly. It sounds cheesy but eating clean is really fun once you know what you're doing. I even made a bet with my roommate about who could get a six pack faster and I was definitely winning until cancer had to ruin our party!

Me pretending to get a six pack

As I wrote about in one of my earlier posts, my doctor was very specific about me not being on a diet. His exact words were, "if you want a chocolate shake, eat a chocolate shake." Well I don't know many people who have that much self control but I know that I don't. Not to mention one of the worst side effects of all of this is the fatigue. I need daily naps not daily workouts so it's safe to say that I've gained back a few of those pounds that I lost. (Crazy to thing I had that much weight to lose but I was down 21 pounds from what I weighed my freshman year of college!)

After this is all said and done and I start getting back into my normal life again I can promise you that I'm going to have a better six pack than Brian ;) Until then though, bring on the donuts and comfort food because when I'm sick to my stomach 50% of the day, you better believe that I'm going to eat however many donuts I need to make me feel better. My stepmom told me a story about the time she ate the worst donut ever.. Want to know how it tasted? Delicious. Moral of the story? There is no such thing as a bad donut.

That's all I have for now. I start my second round of chemo this week and hopefully it goes as good or better than the first round. Wish me luck!

Xoxox!

P.S. I figured if my hair was gonna fall out then it might as well be pink..

 

Chemo update

I'm sorry that I haven't updated you guys since I've been in for my first chemo treatment but I think it's assumed that I haven't felt up to it. The first couple of days after chemo were not that bad because I probably slept 80% of them, but since then... all I can say is nausea. Pretty much all day every day I feel sick to my stomach to the point where I want to throw up but the worst part is I can't actually throw up! I've been able to a few times in the middle of the night which was awesome but horrible cause there's not many things in the world worse than throwing up.... Well except for the nausea I've been having. So in this case I was stoked. Hopefully we will have better luck with more puking or less nausea.. at this point I'll settle for either one. 

I've been hearing a million of people asking what they can do for me and I am so thankful but unless you want to come do my laundry or cook me dinner than the crappy part is there really isn't anything else to do! I just have to feel really tired and sick for a couple of months. (Unless you really want to come do my laundry and cook me dinner cause I would LOVE it!)

I've decided to take the entire semester off of school.. I couldn't justify my dad spending $800 on one class that I'm not likely to put 100% effort into and quite frankly, I don't think I should have to justify it at all! So all I'm doing at the moment is coaching my little 13 year olds (volleyball, obviously) which are all so awesome by the way! I had the big cancer talk with them and they were so cute and told me I would look beautiful bald and that they were going to be on their best behavior for me from here on out. (Which I think they fibbed a little on that part😜) (PS yay I finally figured out how to put emoji's on this thing!! 🎉) Not to mention the very thoughtful gifts they got me. I also can't thank the administration at Aces enough.. Jana and Mike, you guys are seriously so awesome to work with! Thanks for being so extraordinary and understanding through all this. I am just so blessed. 

Well I think that's really all for now.. Xoxox!!

PS.. My blog has almost reached 10,000 views!! HOLY, what??!! Thanks for reading!!!!!!!! 😘

Chemo Day 1

Yay we started chemo today! And yes that yay is only semi sarcastic.. Sure it's poison for my body and will make me sick as a dog and my hair fall out but it is also what's going to kill the cancer and eventually make me healthy again (at least that's the goal), so yay for that. I'm just excited to finally get started on treatment and to make some progress. 

So this morning I went in at 7 am to get my port placed, then directly to the clinic to get blood work done and then off to the infusion wing to get started on chemotherapy. The port that they had placed was under my skin right below my right collarbone, so of coarse they needed to do surgery for it. The best part though is that they didn't even knock me out! Yeah I was awake for the entire time and I'm not going to lie to you guys, it was awesome. They heavily drugged me..and I mean heavily. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever experienced but in a good way. Before they drugged me into a twilight state though, the doctor taps my shoulder. He says, "Okay Lexi, I have an extremely important question to ask you before we get started.. What music do you listen to on Pandora?" I think this is by far the coolest, (and cutest) doctor by far. So during my twilight zone surgery, i was graced with the sound of TIm McGraw and the occasional harmony of my cutie doctor. Yeah, it was pretty cool.

So after I finished up there I went and had my labs done and then we were off to the infusion wing. And no I wasn't nervous because of my amazing drugs from the morning, I was still on cloud nine. So they wheeled me around in my wheelchair showing me a tour of the place that I'm about to start spending a lot of my time at and then took me to my station. It was this little cubicle looking thing with a really comfy recliner, a couple chairs, a TV, and an amazing view of Salt Lake, The University campus and the BLIZZARD that we were gifted with today. 

My nurse came in and explained to my parents and I the drugs she's using, and how she'll use them. She first gave me an IV drip of some anti-nasuea medicine and the proceeded to pump me full of the ABVD that I talked about earlier. The whole time that I was in my cubicle receiving the drugs was only about four hours which was pretty good compared to the six hours we were anticipating. 

Overall it was a pretty good experience for my first chemo session! I'm feeling a little sick and groggy after it but overall not too bad. Let's hope everything continues to go as smoothly as it has been! Thank you guys for the continued overwhelming amount of support! I know that I say this every time, but I truly am so blessed to have all of you in my life! And for those of you that I don't know personally, I appreciate you taking the time to read my story! I love you all xoxox

Wigs!!

I'm pretty late on posting this but I know a few of you wanted to see my new haircut and the wigs that I tried on so here I am! Once I found out that it was for sure cancer and that I was going to lose my hair, I did the cliché thing and chopped all of my hair off.

Before...

After!

As you can see it was a well needed haircut! After going blonde my hair was fried but now it's a lot more thick and healthy..not like that will matter in two weeks though.

As soon as my wonderful step-mom cut off all of my hair, we went wig shopping and I found the most amazing wig..!

 Okay just kidding I look like a grandma haha! Not like that's a bad thing if you're a grandma reading this, my grandma's are smoking hot but that's just not really my style ;) However I did try on a couple of wigs that were really cute! Feel free to give me your opinions on which ones you think look best too, I'm still deciding which I should get. The cool thing with this shop we went to is that every wig is customizable with length, color, and style too so let me know what you guys think! 

I only tried on blonde and one red because I'll be honest, this whole cancer thing is exhausting..literally. As you can tell from a fake smile or two, I was due for a nice nap. Hopefully I'll be able to go back and try on some browns before my hair falls out. 

Well that's all for this post! Love you guys xoxox 

The results are in...!

We finally got all the test results back and went to the doctor yesterday to hear an exact diagnosis. Drum role please.... Stage 2b Hodgkin's Lymphoma! That means that it's still in the early stages (awesome), and it hasn't spread below my diaphragm or into my bone marrow (really awesome). 

So now what? Well I will go in on Thursday morning to get my port put in, which is basically a little device that they'll put under my skin that makes it easy to administer the chemo, draw blood, all the fun stuff. It's like a little hub they make for easier access to my bloodstream. Then as soon as they've inserted that, I'll head downstairs to start my first chemo treatment! 

The chemotherapy that I'll have is called ABVD, which is made up of four different drugs that I'll receive each time I go in. (The A which stands for Adriamycin is the one that makes me lose my hair.. not cool) This first time I'll have to receive the chemo for about six hours, but all the other times should only last about two hours. When chemo is administered it's given in rounds and each round consists of 2 treatments about 14 days apart. I will have three rounds of chemo (3 months) and then we'll go back in and repeat all the tests that I had last week to determine if the cancer is gone or if I'll need three more months of treatment. Hopefully it will be gone by then and we won't need to do anymore chemo or start any radiation therapy.

Today we went to the fertility clinic to talk about the affects of chemo on fertility and if it's worth it to freeze my eggs for the future for when I do decide to have kids. The chances of the chemo causing infertility in my case is only about 9% and in order to freeze my eggs we would have to put off any cancer treatment for a few weeks, not to mention spend about $10,000. I know that one day I will have kids but I also know that everything happens for a reason.. not to mention fashion school in LA is not cheap.. So with all that in mind, I think I'll take my 9% odds and put that potential money towards FIDM. Which was the coolest school I have ever been to hands down! I am so in love, and I can't wait to apply once all of this is finally over! 

I love you all like crazy and am so blessed to have the support from everyone that I do. Let's get this treatment on the road and start kicking cancer to the curb so we can all go to San Antonio State! (That's not what I meant to type obviously but Friday Night Lights is playing in the background and you know how when you're listening to something and typing at the same time and you end up typing what you hear and not what you were thinking? Haha yes that's what happened there and it actually fit in the sentence so I left it hahah) Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose! Xoxox