Thursday, February 27, 2014

Half Way...Hopefully!

Man I have never been more excited and frustrated at the same time! First off let's all just celebrate a little that I am officially half way through with Chemo! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! The frustrating part is that we don't know how my body/the cancer is reacting at all and we won't have any idea for at least another month. All I know is that the lumps on my next are nearly gone, (thank goodness) and I feel like crap almost all the time (not thank goodness). Everyone says you're gonna kick cancer's butt, but they don't ever tell you how it's gonna kick your butt! Nausea, headaches, being bald, fatigue, insomnia, the taste of poison in my mouth constantly, chemo brain (I feel so dumb!), hot flashes/cold sweats, constipation (sorry, gross..), etc. The list goes on!!

The being bald thing though I think is one of the worst, next to the sickness obviously. Man I didn't think I would miss my hair this much! Yeah I'm rocking the bald look but only because I have to don't get me wrong. I would take a full head of hair any day of the week. With that being said, I like to look at this as a do-over. Pun intended. Before I lost my hair I was blonde for a while, which damaged it like nobody's business, and then I made an impulse decision and dyed it near black (which I did not love). Now when my hair grows back, not only do I get to go through all kinds of crazy short hairstyles that I would never do otherwise, but I get to start over! Growing it all out and going blonde the healthy way, well a healthier way. It's unfortunate that this is what it had to come to for me to have short hair, but hey we'll take it. 

I know I go on and on about how amazing my family and friends are but it really gets more and more humbling every single day. My Aunt Mikell and her cousin Whitney have decided to do a fundraiser in my name. What are they selling? Pink hair extensions! How awesome is that? We are having a big party where they are going to be putting in the extensions and I couldn't be more excited! 

A friend of Whitney's was also so unbelievably gracious and has decided to sell her necklaces in my name as well! Her flyer is above and she also has an etsy shop at You can order your necklace there with a coupon code "LOVEFORLEXI" until March 8th so head on over and check her shop out! 

I have also had the experience of getting my eyelashes done by yet another one of Whitney's friends. (I can't say enough amazing things about you Whit, you are seriously such a sweetheart!!!!) If you are looking for someone to do you eyelash extensions, Eyelashes by Miranda is where you want to go! Miranda did such a great job on mine and not to mention she is such a sweetheart and chose not to charge me because of what I am going through!

That's all I have for you guys, until next time.. XOXOX!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Cancer + 20's + Valentine's Day

So you wanna know what it's like to have cancer in your twenties? Well it is a little something like this. 

You know that massive hangover you've gotten before from spending a night out with your friends at the bar or at a party, drinking way too much and talking to tons of people you'll probably never meet again? Yeah that one that makes you think, "I am never drinking alcohol again a day in my life!!" Where you lay on the couch all day watching crappy TV, stuffing your face with crappy foods trying to feel remotely human again? That extremely horrible feeling after drinking that you get every so often that makes you slow down on your alcohol intake for the next few weeks? (Not like I would know that feeling from alcohol Grandma, I've just "heard"..) WELL my friends, that is how I feel nonstop the first 3-4 days after chemo and on and off every hour or so the next 3 days after that. Luckily for me, I only have chemo every other week so there is a week in between where I do feel relatively normal, with the hangover sensation only appearing once or twice a day. But still.. A full "normal" day would be so nice right about now.. 

Being physically/mentally/emotionally sick while everyone else around you is completely fine jut going on about their day- there are many words to describe how I feel but I think the most fitting one is probably restless. I feel exhausted but I can't sleep (without drugs that is, we finally got some medication to help with that one). I feel wanderlust but can't leave. I feel cold but can't ever seem to warm up without getting freaking hot flashes!! (How old am I??) 

But to me, I feel like staying positive is the only option I have. Ever since day one, it has never been an "if" I was going to beat cancer it has always been a "when". I never gave myself the option to be scared because there was no point, I wasn't going to let a little bit of lymphoma get in the way of me pursuing my dreams and living out the rest of my life. That is until I looked at the #hodgkinslymphoma hashtag on Instagram the other day and saw all of these people who have lost loved ones to this same disease. People just like me, fighting the exact same battle, who have died. It was extremely eye opening to me. And not in the way where I feel scared now, or worried that I won't beat this because deep inside I know that I will. I know that there is so much more to my life than what I have lived and so many more dreams I have left to chase. However, I almost feel lucky. Which I know sounds silly to hear a 20 year old girl with cancer say she feels lucky. But I do. Ever since I got the initial diagnosis I've been lucky. 
Lucky that the tests came back Lymphoma rather than Leukemia. 
Lucky that we caught it early. 
Lucky to have such an amazing facility such as the Hunstman Cancer Institute so close to home. 
Lucky to have the family and friends that I do.
Lucky to have the financial support of my dad so we don't have to worry about the bills.
Lucky to be ALIVE.

Sure I might be a little bitter that this is the hundredth Valentine's Day that I don't have a date, but I am lucky to be alive, and I don't know about all of you guys, but that's enough for me. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Bald Heads, Photoshoots and A Lot of Selfies

I'm not very good at this whole updating the blog thing! I'll get the hang of this eventually, just in time to kick the cancer and get healthy again! We are currently in week five of this chemo nonsense and I'm a little sick of this already. This week has been the hardest by far, and the treatments seem to get worse each time too. By the end of all this, I am going to be unbreakable.

Between the last post and now, my hair has been falling out like crazy! My parents (and stepmom) has been so supportive of this and I couldn't be more blessed! My dad organized a head shaving party last week at his work and you would be blown away by the amount of guys that are willing to shave their heads for me! Including one of my best friends from junior high school who flew out from Arizona to be there. (I told every girl that offered to shave her head to show support for me, that I wasn't comfortable with that. Just because I have to be bald, there's no sense in making you bald too!) But on the note, a HUUUUGE shootout to Shelby Mall, the sweetest friend of mine from high school, for cutting off all of her hair to donate to locks of love! You are so selfless, it means more to me than I know! 
I chose to wait to shave my hair for a couple of days though so that I could make a photoshoot out of it with one of my dads best friends! (He also wins the prize for the most rad guy I know too.) I wish I could post some pictures from it but he's entering them into some killer art show so you guys will have to wait to see them! Okay maybe I'll post a few behind the scenes...

Another killer thing happened this weekend and if you're friends with my on Facebook you can see that my grandma chose to dye her hair pink too! She makes it look way better than I do.. Love you to the moon and back! <3

And last but not least, today we started round 2 of chemo (my third session). Unfortunately as I said earlier they seem to get worse and worse. My mom and dad normally come with me to chemo but my mom was out of town for work so it was just me and my dad this time. We tried to keep it as fun as possible but unfortunately the words, infusion room and fun don't really go together all that well. At least we tried!

This is Adriamyacin. It's the A in ABVD. They call in the Red Devil and the name couldn't be more fitting. This is what changes my taste buds and makes everything taste like metal. YUCK.
My dad just wigging out

And to end wrap up the last two weeks in the post, I might as well leave you with a sick and bald selfie of me doing my best to survive my third treatment! Xoxox!