Tuesday, July 22, 2014

A whole lot of catching up..

I think it's only fitting that I change the name of my blog, seems as how I am cancer free now!? Wow. Who would've thought that I would be saying that I beat cancer before I can legally get into the club? I know this might not make sense to most of you, but I feel lucky.. blessed almost, to have been through what I have. No, I wouldn't ask to have cancer, but the people that I've been lucky enough to meet through this journey, along with the courage and the strength inside of me that I didn't realize I had and the second outlook on life (yes, that really is a thing), has changed my life and 100% for the better.

My entire life I have been in love with the beach and I have always thought, "I want to move to LA one day". I never thought that day would actually come though, my entire family and support system is in Salt Lake and has always been in Salt Lake, how could I leave that? It was especially hard about a year and a half ago when I lost my best friend in a car accident. If it weren't for my family, my friends, and my football roomies to sidetrack me and keep me busy, I don't know what I would have done. Then after almost a year had gone by, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was almost a sign from Seth that just because he's gone, doesn't mean that I need to stop living my life. For the longest time I couldn't see myself ever doing anything again that I had ever done with him. I stopped going back home where he had a room in our house, I stopped going to my dads company where he worked, I stopped hanging out with all of our old friends, I stopped hiking up to our favorite look out. I just couldn't imagine life going on the way it was, without the most amazing guy in it. I'm thankful for my roommate and all of his friends for keeping me company and entertained but after a while, I realized I was only masking the problem. Instead of mourning his death and trying to accept the truth of the matter, I just ignored it and pushed it out of my head.

Finding out that I had cancer one hundred percent opened my eyes to everything that had been happening, or lack thereof. I realized that I wasn't living my life to the fullest and that my dreams were just sitting on the top shelf in my closet collecting dust. So I immediately went to LA with Brian to tour a fashion school and started making some plans for when I beat cancer. And that's the thing, I KNEW I would beat it. There was never a doubt in my mind. Everyone always applauds me for my positive attitude and bravery and for a while I thought it was the weirdest thing, I've never really been the bravest person, let alone the most positive. But when I heard my diagnosis I never even thought that dying was a possibility. It literally never crossed my mind, I KNEW everything was going to be okay. Cancer was simply a bump in the road to my crazy journey ahead and I really think that made the world of the difference. I always say, there's not point in worrying because no good will come of it at all. The only thing worrying will do is make the situation worse, which in the eyes of cancer, is the worst thing you can do.

So here I am, the week of my 21st birthday, preparing myself to go to Europe with one of my best friend's for two weeks, all the while packing up my condo to move to California. That's right! In case you haven't already heard, I will be moving to the Santa Monica area on September 19th!!!! I;m not going to school out there right away and to be completely honest I don't really have a set plan. I'm just going to pack up and move out there and trust that everything is going to work out! Thanks to everyone for all the positive words and encouragement, it's been one hell of a year but I am SO much stronger because of that! I am so grateful for the life that I live and that I get to continue to live it every single day.

If there's one thing that you take away from this post, I hope it's that life is a gift. That sounds cheesy but I mean it with every ounce of my body. Stop looking at all the negative things in your life and counting up all your problems and realize just how lucky you are to have those problems. I was lucky enough to have gotten what they say is the best kind of lymphoma you can get. Yes, I am lucky for my cancer. There were so many people that my family and I had the pleasure of getting to know at the hospital whose prognosis wasn't as great as mine. There is always going to be someone out there worse off than you are.. Remember that next time you want to complain about something, anything at that matter.

Don't take advantage of your life, you only get one!