Go Bald or Go Home

I've been laying awake since 5 a.m. unable to fall back asleep which is something very rare to me. If any of you know me, you that I can sleep through anything. When I was a kid at the racetrack I would take naps during any class you can name, including the jet cars. (Seriously, we have pictures!) Now I can't even sleep through my roommate's alarm clock through two closed doors and a hallway. (Stupid 6 a.m. football runs) I'm wondering if it's a side effect of the chemo or the cancer itself or just being overall more restless and on edge but over the past month or so I have been the lightest sleeper. It's actually pretty creepy, every time I fall asleep on the couch and Brian tries to take the remote from me, I wake up instantly. I'm pretty sure it scares him every single time but hey what can I say, don't change my shows! ;)

Anyways, as I mentioned in my last post my hair has started falling out. Not something every 20 year old girl normally deals with when they wake up and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bugged by it. I can't say that I'm sad because hello it's just hair but in my point in life right now, unfortunately looks are a big deal. Not many college boys are gonna see bald and think, "Wow she's good looking." (Or whatever it is that college boys say, let's keep it PG here!) But at the same time I'm almost excited that it's coming out because that means the drugs are working and that I'm one step closer to a normal healthy life again. I think to sum it all up in one word, I'm anxious. Anxious about going bald, anxious about putting school on hold, anxious about if I'm being a good enough coach for my team. It's just an overlying feeling that seems to come with every situation now and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with that.

Coming into all of this I never would've expected the amount of support I have received. I realize I say this in every post but it truly is the most important part of my entire journey. It's so humbling to know that all of you guys have my back and that we're all in this together. I love you guys so much and I'll be forever indebted to every single one of you. So much love to all of you!!! Xoxox.