Just Another Bump in the Road!

Man I wish that my blog was about something more fun and light hearted like fashion or food! Something we all love, not something we all hate. Wouldn't that be the life?!

Tomorrow will be the end of my third round of chemo. After tomorrow I will only have two more treatments and then I'll be done, right? Wrong! Two weeks ago, when I went in for my fifth chemo treatment, I was scheduled to come in a few hours early to get some lab work done and to meet with the oncologist which we do about every other treatment. While we waited for over an hour to meet with my doctor my mom did a puzzle in the waiting room with me.

 SO much fun right? It sure beats the alternative! If I had the chance to go to HCI and just play puzzles without getting any poison fed into my veins, I would go there every single day. If only! Well we finally got back to meet with Dr. Halwani and after a few minutes of talking to him he informed us that about two weeks after I finish all of my chemo treatments and finish my testing I will have to start.... drum roll please.... Radiation!!!! Radiation sucks because I'll have to come in everyday Monday through Friday for about an hour to receive treatment. We aren't sure about the exact game plan yet, I'll meet with a Radiation Oncologist on April Fools (Ironic right?) to learn more about it but as of now we're thinking about 2-4 weeks.

Yet another bump along the road, but nothing I can't beast through! At this point, if things stay according to the plan, I am officially half way. Fortunately, I hear that radiation is a walk in the park compared to chemo, so hopefully this will be the easier half of the two. As of now I am still continuing to coach the cutest volleyball team ever, taking a practice or two off directly after chemo. It's the only normal part of my life left so I swore no matter how hard it got that I wouldn't give it up, but so far I haven't needed to. They really are an amazing group of girls and their families have all been so helpful and understanding.

A few of the girls after we took first at our last tournament! 

 I honestly don't know what I would do without all of the love and support from you guys. Especially my family, you guys mean everything to me!!

Strategically placed heart because
I just love you guys! ;)

Half Way...Hopefully!

Man I have never been more excited and frustrated at the same time! First off let's all just celebrate a little that I am officially half way through with Chemo! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! The frustrating part is that we don't know how my body/the cancer is reacting at all and we won't have any idea for at least another month. All I know is that the lumps on my next are nearly gone, (thank goodness) and I feel like crap almost all the time (not thank goodness). Everyone says you're gonna kick cancer's butt, but they don't ever tell you how it's gonna kick your butt! Nausea, headaches, being bald, fatigue, insomnia, the taste of poison in my mouth constantly, chemo brain (I feel so dumb!), hot flashes/cold sweats, constipation (sorry, gross..), etc. The list goes on!!

The being bald thing though I think is one of the worst, next to the sickness obviously. Man I didn't think I would miss my hair this much! Yeah I'm rocking the bald look but only because I have to don't get me wrong. I would take a full head of hair any day of the week. With that being said, I like to look at this as a do-over. Pun intended. Before I lost my hair I was blonde for a while, which damaged it like nobody's business, and then I made an impulse decision and dyed it near black (which I did not love). Now when my hair grows back, not only do I get to go through all kinds of crazy short hairstyles that I would never do otherwise, but I get to start over! Growing it all out and going blonde the healthy way, well a healthier way. It's unfortunate that this is what it had to come to for me to have short hair, but hey we'll take it. 

I know I go on and on about how amazing my family and friends are but it really gets more and more humbling every single day. My Aunt Mikell and her cousin Whitney have decided to do a fundraiser in my name. What are they selling? Pink hair extensions! How awesome is that? We are having a big party where they are going to be putting in the extensions and I couldn't be more excited! 

A friend of Whitney's was also so unbelievably gracious and has decided to sell her necklaces in my name as well! Her flyer is above and she also has an etsy shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/CustomizedByKarli. You can order your necklace there with a coupon code "LOVEFORLEXI" until March 8th so head on over and check her shop out! 

I have also had the experience of getting my eyelashes done by yet another one of Whitney's friends. (I can't say enough amazing things about you Whit, you are seriously such a sweetheart!!!!) If you are looking for someone to do you eyelash extensions, Eyelashes by Miranda is where you want to go! Miranda did such a great job on mine and not to mention she is such a sweetheart and chose not to charge me because of what I am going through!

That's all I have for you guys, until next time.. XOXOX!

Cancer + 20's + Valentine's Day

So you wanna know what it's like to have cancer in your twenties? Well it is a little something like this. 

You know that massive hangover you've gotten before from spending a night out with your friends at the bar or at a party, drinking way too much and talking to tons of people you'll probably never meet again? Yeah that one that makes you think, "I am never drinking alcohol again a day in my life!!" Where you lay on the couch all day watching crappy TV, stuffing your face with crappy foods trying to feel remotely human again? That extremely horrible feeling after drinking that you get every so often that makes you slow down on your alcohol intake for the next few weeks? (Not like I would know that feeling from alcohol Grandma, I've just "heard"..) WELL my friends, that is how I feel nonstop the first 3-4 days after chemo and on and off every hour or so the next 3 days after that. Luckily for me, I only have chemo every other week so there is a week in between where I do feel relatively normal, with the hangover sensation only appearing once or twice a day. But still.. A full "normal" day would be so nice right about now.. 

Being physically/mentally/emotionally sick while everyone else around you is completely fine jut going on about their day- there are many words to describe how I feel but I think the most fitting one is probably restless. I feel exhausted but I can't sleep (without drugs that is, we finally got some medication to help with that one). I feel wanderlust but can't leave. I feel cold but can't ever seem to warm up without getting freaking hot flashes!! (How old am I??) 

But to me, I feel like staying positive is the only option I have. Ever since day one, it has never been an "if" I was going to beat cancer it has always been a "when". I never gave myself the option to be scared because there was no point, I wasn't going to let a little bit of lymphoma get in the way of me pursuing my dreams and living out the rest of my life. That is until I looked at the #hodgkinslymphoma hashtag on Instagram the other day and saw all of these people who have lost loved ones to this same disease. People just like me, fighting the exact same battle, who have died. It was extremely eye opening to me. And not in the way where I feel scared now, or worried that I won't beat this because deep inside I know that I will. I know that there is so much more to my life than what I have lived and so many more dreams I have left to chase. However, I almost feel lucky. Which I know sounds silly to hear a 20 year old girl with cancer say she feels lucky. But I do. Ever since I got the initial diagnosis I've been lucky. 
Lucky that the tests came back Lymphoma rather than Leukemia. 
Lucky that we caught it early. 
Lucky to have such an amazing facility such as the Hunstman Cancer Institute so close to home. 
Lucky to have the family and friends that I do.
Lucky to have the financial support of my dad so we don't have to worry about the bills.
Lucky to be ALIVE.

Sure I might be a little bitter that this is the hundredth Valentine's Day that I don't have a date, but I am lucky to be alive, and I don't know about all of you guys, but that's enough for me. 

Bald Heads, Photoshoots and A Lot of Selfies

I'm not very good at this whole updating the blog thing! I'll get the hang of this eventually, just in time to kick the cancer and get healthy again! We are currently in week five of this chemo nonsense and I'm a little sick of this already. This week has been the hardest by far, and the treatments seem to get worse each time too. By the end of all this, I am going to be unbreakable.

Between the last post and now, my hair has been falling out like crazy! My parents (and stepmom) has been so supportive of this and I couldn't be more blessed! My dad organized a head shaving party last week at his work and you would be blown away by the amount of guys that are willing to shave their heads for me! Including one of my best friends from junior high school who flew out from Arizona to be there. (I told every girl that offered to shave her head to show support for me, that I wasn't comfortable with that. Just because I have to be bald, there's no sense in making you bald too!) But on the note, a HUUUUGE shootout to Shelby Mall, the sweetest friend of mine from high school, for cutting off all of her hair to donate to locks of love! You are so selfless, it means more to me than I know! 

I chose to wait to shave my hair for a couple of days though so that I could make a photoshoot out of it with one of my dads best friends! (He also wins the prize for the most rad guy I know too.) I wish I could post some pictures from it but he's entering them into some killer art show so you guys will have to wait to see them! Okay maybe I'll post a few behind the scenes...

Another killer thing happened this weekend and if you're friends with my on Facebook you can see that my grandma chose to dye her hair pink too! She makes it look way better than I do.. Love you to the moon and back! <3

And last but not least, today we started round 2 of chemo (my third session). Unfortunately as I said earlier they seem to get worse and worse. My mom and dad normally come with me to chemo but my mom was out of town for work so it was just me and my dad this time. We tried to keep it as fun as possible but unfortunately the words, infusion room and fun don't really go together all that well. At least we tried!

This is Adriamyacin. It's the A in ABVD. They call in the Red Devil and the name couldn't be more fitting. This is what changes my taste buds and makes everything taste like metal. YUCK.

My dad just wigging out

And to end wrap up the last two weeks in the post, I might as well leave you with a sick and bald selfie of me doing my best to survive my third treatment! Xoxox!

Go Bald or Go Home

I've been laying awake since 5 a.m. unable to fall back asleep which is something very rare to me. If any of you know me, you that I can sleep through anything. When I was a kid at the racetrack I would take naps during any class you can name, including the jet cars. (Seriously, we have pictures!) Now I can't even sleep through my roommate's alarm clock through two closed doors and a hallway. (Stupid 6 a.m. football runs) I'm wondering if it's a side effect of the chemo or the cancer itself or just being overall more restless and on edge but over the past month or so I have been the lightest sleeper. It's actually pretty creepy, every time I fall asleep on the couch and Brian tries to take the remote from me, I wake up instantly. I'm pretty sure it scares him every single time but hey what can I say, don't change my shows! ;)

Anyways, as I mentioned in my last post my hair has started falling out. Not something every 20 year old girl normally deals with when they wake up and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bugged by it. I can't say that I'm sad because hello it's just hair but in my point in life right now, unfortunately looks are a big deal. Not many college boys are gonna see bald and think, "Wow she's good looking." (Or whatever it is that college boys say, let's keep it PG here!) But at the same time I'm almost excited that it's coming out because that means the drugs are working and that I'm one step closer to a normal healthy life again. I think to sum it all up in one word, I'm anxious. Anxious about going bald, anxious about putting school on hold, anxious about if I'm being a good enough coach for my team. It's just an overlying feeling that seems to come with every situation now and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with that.

Coming into all of this I never would've expected the amount of support I have received. I realize I say this in every post but it truly is the most important part of my entire journey. It's so humbling to know that all of you guys have my back and that we're all in this together. I love you guys so much and I'll be forever indebted to every single one of you. So much love to all of you!!! Xoxox.

Welp.. This sucks

So as you all know, I had my second chemo treatment this week meaning we're officially finished with round one! There is good news and bad news that comes with that.. The good news is that we're already finished with one round of treatment, but the bad news is we actually have one more additional round of chemo. As we went in to check with Dr. Halawni before treatment on Thursday, he told us that we are actually doing four months of treatment rather three. Just a little setback I guess. I'm willing to go through whatever it's going to take to get me back to 100%!

As far as my symptoms have been this time around... not as fun as the first treatment. The nausea is REAL. I can't get out of bed without feeling lightheaded and queazy and needing to throw up. Unfortunately the medication I take to help control the nausea makes it so that I cannot throw up, or release pressure from the other end either. (Sorry if that's too much information!) Lucky for me though, I have new symptoms to worry about. Like swollen gums and mouth sores all down my throat, or a tender scalp and the loss of my cotton candy pink hair. Yep... My hair has officially started falling out. My dad and a bunch of his friends from work have decided to make a party about it so Tuesday the 28th at noon we will have a huge head shaving party! If you're a guy and willing to shave your head or if you just want to come party with us let me know and I will get you the address! It's gonna be fun and we'll have food ;)

As of right now I've just been snuggling my lovely couch pretty much 24/7 waking up for the occasional  snack. My tastebuds have changed for the worse so a lot of foods that I'm craving or would normally love taste horrible and metal-y. And because of all of my new awesome symptoms you could guess that I'm a little grumpy. Sorry Mom, Dad, Brian, Bobby and anyone else that I may have freaked out on.. 

Love you all! Xoxox

Diets or Donuts?

I think I got in a little over my head with my last post about dinner and laundry. My fridge is currently stocked with pre-made dinners whether it's homemade, store bought, or restaurant leftovers. I am definitely not complaining about it, I'm so excited every time I open my fridge and see so many delicious options but I think my scale is a little upset... as well as my esophagus aka heartburn. Before my diagnosis, I had spent the last 4-5 months sticking to a 90% clean diet and spending hours in the gym every week. The freshman fifteen is a real thing, especially when I was playing volleyball at Westminster. And let's just say our team loved food. Well I finally realized that I wanted to get healthy and stuck to a fairly strict (vegetarian) diet for a few months. And I love it honestly. It sounds cheesy but eating clean is really fun once you know what you're doing. I even made a bet with my roommate about who could get a six pack faster and I was definitely winning until cancer had to ruin our party!

Me pretending to get a six pack

As I wrote about in one of my earlier posts, my doctor was very specific about me not being on a diet. His exact words were, "if you want a chocolate shake, eat a chocolate shake." Well I don't know many people who have that much self control but I know that I don't. Not to mention one of the worst side effects of all of this is the fatigue. I need daily naps not daily workouts so it's safe to say that I've gained back a few of those pounds that I lost. (Crazy to thing I had that much weight to lose but I was down 21 pounds from what I weighed my freshman year of college!)

After this is all said and done and I start getting back into my normal life again I can promise you that I'm going to have a better six pack than Brian ;) Until then though, bring on the donuts and comfort food because when I'm sick to my stomach 50% of the day, you better believe that I'm going to eat however many donuts I need to make me feel better. My stepmom told me a story about the time she ate the worst donut ever.. Want to know how it tasted? Delicious. Moral of the story? There is no such thing as a bad donut.

That's all I have for now. I start my second round of chemo this week and hopefully it goes as good or better than the first round. Wish me luck!

Xoxox!

P.S. I figured if my hair was gonna fall out then it might as well be pink..