A whole lot of catching up..

I think it's only fitting that I change the name of my blog, seems as how I am cancer free now!? Wow. Who would've thought that I would be saying that I beat cancer before I can legally get into the club? I know this might not make sense to most of you, but I feel lucky.. blessed almost, to have been through what I have. No, I wouldn't ask to have cancer, but the people that I've been lucky enough to meet through this journey, along with the courage and the strength inside of me that I didn't realize I had and the second outlook on life (yes, that really is a thing), has changed my life and 100% for the better.

My entire life I have been in love with the beach and I have always thought, "I want to move to LA one day". I never thought that day would actually come though, my entire family and support system is in Salt Lake and has always been in Salt Lake, how could I leave that? It was especially hard about a year and a half ago when I lost my best friend in a car accident. If it weren't for my family, my friends, and my football roomies to sidetrack me and keep me busy, I don't know what I would have done. Then after almost a year had gone by, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was almost a sign from Seth that just because he's gone, doesn't mean that I need to stop living my life. For the longest time I couldn't see myself ever doing anything again that I had ever done with him. I stopped going back home where he had a room in our house, I stopped going to my dads company where he worked, I stopped hanging out with all of our old friends, I stopped hiking up to our favorite look out. I just couldn't imagine life going on the way it was, without the most amazing guy in it. I'm thankful for my roommate and all of his friends for keeping me company and entertained but after a while, I realized I was only masking the problem. Instead of mourning his death and trying to accept the truth of the matter, I just ignored it and pushed it out of my head.

Finding out that I had cancer one hundred percent opened my eyes to everything that had been happening, or lack thereof. I realized that I wasn't living my life to the fullest and that my dreams were just sitting on the top shelf in my closet collecting dust. So I immediately went to LA with Brian to tour a fashion school and started making some plans for when I beat cancer. And that's the thing, I KNEW I would beat it. There was never a doubt in my mind. Everyone always applauds me for my positive attitude and bravery and for a while I thought it was the weirdest thing, I've never really been the bravest person, let alone the most positive. But when I heard my diagnosis I never even thought that dying was a possibility. It literally never crossed my mind, I KNEW everything was going to be okay. Cancer was simply a bump in the road to my crazy journey ahead and I really think that made the world of the difference. I always say, there's not point in worrying because no good will come of it at all. The only thing worrying will do is make the situation worse, which in the eyes of cancer, is the worst thing you can do.

So here I am, the week of my 21st birthday, preparing myself to go to Europe with one of my best friend's for two weeks, all the while packing up my condo to move to California. That's right! In case you haven't already heard, I will be moving to the Santa Monica area on September 19th!!!! I;m not going to school out there right away and to be completely honest I don't really have a set plan. I'm just going to pack up and move out there and trust that everything is going to work out! Thanks to everyone for all the positive words and encouragement, it's been one hell of a year but I am SO much stronger because of that! I am so grateful for the life that I live and that I get to continue to live it every single day.

If there's one thing that you take away from this post, I hope it's that life is a gift. That sounds cheesy but I mean it with every ounce of my body. Stop looking at all the negative things in your life and counting up all your problems and realize just how lucky you are to have those problems. I was lucky enough to have gotten what they say is the best kind of lymphoma you can get. Yes, I am lucky for my cancer. There were so many people that my family and I had the pleasure of getting to know at the hospital whose prognosis wasn't as great as mine. There is always going to be someone out there worse off than you are.. Remember that next time you want to complain about something, anything at that matter.

Don't take advantage of your life, you only get one!

XOXOX

REMISSION!!!

For those of you who haven't heard already... I am in REMISSION!!! On my last day of radiation I met with Dr. Gafney and he said the cancer is completely gone and that I am in remission! I got a cute blanket and a certificate for graduating radiation treatments just like at chemo, it was so fun. All the nurses and technicians gave me their best and in return I gave them all donuts! They have all been so amazing to me at the radiation clinic and I was almost sad to be done. I'm so so glad that my cancer is gone but I really will miss all the amazing people at the hospital! And I know they'll miss me just as much, I'm the most fun and probably only patient under 35 years old ;)

So I know what you guys are going to ask next.. What did you do to celebrate? Well my amazing aunt and uncle took me out boating with them and some of friends up at Pineview Reservoir the same day I found out I was in remission. I went from the hospital to their house and off we went! It was such a blast out on the lake, we went tubing and wake boarding. Tubing was so fun I thought I was going to pee my swim bottoms and wake boarding... It was fun at first!...until I fell and found out later that night that I broke my ankle (the end of my tibia bone) and needed surgery to get screws put in!
JUST MY LUCK! So I had surgery about a week and a half ago and will have to be on crutches for another six weeks.

Also this year is my 21st birthday! My friend Chelsie and I are flying to paris on my actual birthday at the end of July and will be there for a week, until we fly to Germany to spend another week. I have never been to Europe so I am so so excited! regardless of the fact that I will still be in a walking boot. I'm just thankful to be alive and healthy! Thank you to every one of you that has been there for me on this crazy journey that I am glad to say is finally over! Let's celebrate!!!! XOXOX

Radioactive

Today I had my first radiation treatment! I realized that I haven't updated you guys about my radiation plans so here we are. I met with Dr. Gafney, my radiation oncologist that I LOVE, a couple weeks ago to review my PET scan results and to plan my radiation treatment process. He told me that I could not have responded better to the chemo treatments which was so awesome to hear! If my results would have been from a normal person, they wouldn't even be able to detect the amount of cancer that I still have, but since they already know of my cancer, they can see the tiniest amount that's left. So we all decided that radiation was definitely a good idea, we want this to be a one and done deal! So Dr. Gafney and his resident showed me my PET scan too so I could see exaclty where and how much cancer I had which was really cool I'm not going to lie. The red/orange spots on the scan are the cancerous cells, the left one is before chemo and the right is after chemo.

 

So after looking at the scans, Dr. Gafney said that he wants to do fifteen treatments of radiation. The difference between this and chemo is that radiation is everyday Monday through Friday. So they then told me they were fitting me for my mask today and giving me my tattoos. They took me back into this room, laid me on this tiny table and got to work. Keep in mind Dr. Gafney and his resident are both in the room along with one male and two female radiation tech's. So they all start poking and prodding at me, drawing all over my face and abdomen with permanent marker, making notes of where and how they're going to set me up for treatments. Once they get all of their markings in place they tell me they are going to start making the mold for my mask and to lie still. In order to make the mask they drape this large peice of soaking wet and HOT plastic that has holes in it over my face. I'm not going to lie it felt a little suffocating and probably the closest to water boarding that I'll ever experience. Luckily it cooled down and dried fairly quickly,  I just had to lay there for close to twenty minutes while the mask dried. It wasn't as fun as it sounds but I have to say every single person I have worked with in radiation has been so amazing! 

This is my mask all dry and ready to go. It's hard as a rock so I
can't really swallow or even open my eyes.

 

Those fish scales are from my mask,

it's that tight!

This is me on my first day of radiation, today.
I had the nurse take a picture so you could see how crazy it is.

 

This picture is unrelevant to this post but I just want to add
I'm so thankful for makeup! Without eyebrows and eyelashes
I really do look like a cancer patient. ;)

Drum Roll Please!!

I had a post chemo PET scan on monday to see how many lymph nodes are still hyper metabolic (cancerous) and had to wait until today to get my results. We had an appointment this morning at Huntsman to get my results and take some more tests. They had the hardest time getting blood return from my port... again, they always have a hard time but today was extra difficult. Man am I ready to get this thing taken out. Anyways, they finally got it to work after about 16 tubes of saline (they usually only need 2 or 3), and we went back to meet with my doctor.

Every time we have met with my oncologist, I have been less than impressed. He never informs his staff of his plans, let alone me! I don't mean to trash talk him either though because he saved my life, sort of, but man I just am not impressed with him. Anyways, we didn't even get to meet with Dr. Halwani today!! My nurse and my nurse practitioner gave me my results. Which I am not mad about at all, they are some of the most amazing people I've met. SO, Mary (my nurse), was pulling my results out of the printer and as she was walking back to Renee (my NP) to review my test results she says, "This is the worst printer I've ever seen!" Well all I heard was "This is the worst..", so I thought she was talking about my test results! I freaked out for a second but it was actually pretty funny. And then they gave me the results..

AND DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!! 

Of all my cancerous lymph nodes, there is one left and it has shrunk so much from that chemo that they believe it will go completely away on its own in the next few weeks!!! I can't say that I'm cancer free yet because I don't want to jinx that last little guy, but the prognosis was amazing! I still meet with my radiation oncologist on Wednesday so he can review my results and decide what we should do regarding radiation. My guess is that we will still go through with a little bit of radiation just to help that last little guy along and to be safe! I'd rather get rid of every last little bit right now and not have to worry as much later on in life. 

So that's that! The chemo worked and we are so close to being done with this mess! XOXOX!!!

My Last Chemo Treatment!!!!!

Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. in the Infusion Center at The Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah I, Alexis Marie Isbell, will be receiving my last chemotherapy treatment for stage 2b Hodgkin's Lymphoma!! Hopefully ever, but lets not jinx it, I'm still young and my chances of having cancer again in my lifetime are unfortunately a lot higher than most of you, purely because I've had it already. I have never been more excited to get poisoned!

After tomorrow the doctors will wait about 10 days for my last chemo treatment to run its course through my system, to start doing tests. Then they'll do another PET scan to see how much of the cancer is gone and how much of it, if any, remains. Once they get the results of that, I'll meet with my radiation oncologist again to find exactly how many sessions of radiation I'll need. Then I'll make another appointment to get fitted for my radiation mask and tattoos! Say what?! The mask is like a mesh thing that wraps around your face and is extremely tight. A friend of mine who went through the exact same thing as me, says that it's so tight that if I go into it with my eyes open I can close them, but if I go into it with my eyes closed, I can't open them! Crazy huh. The tattoos aren't as cool as they sound, they are just little freckle sized dots surrounding the area they will treat, so that they know they are treating the exact same area every single time. After I get fitted for my mask I'll have to wait another week or so to start treatment. Then I'll undergo about three weeks of radiation therapy, which unlike chemo, I have to go in every day for. It should only take up about 30 minutes of my day, and the actual radiation part only lasts about two minutes. The main side effects are fatigue (what's new?), sensitive skin in the treatment area (like a sunburn), and a sore throat. Overall, WAY better than chemo!!

It feels like that last four months of my life have dragged on, but I am so excited to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Seven Down, One To Go!

It's crazy to me to see how people react in the face of death and disease. When I was diagnosed with cancer a little over three months ago, there were a few people in my life that I knew would be there for me throughout this journey. At least I thought so. They always say that hard times bring out the best and the worst in people but I've never experienced that more than I have right now. Some of my absolute closest friends turned out to be the most distant throughout my recovery and vice versa. The amount of people that have stepped up and really showed their support is overwhelming and I am so thankful for all of you. I try to focus on the good rather than the bad especially in situations like this where that seems to be all that I see most days. Cancer isn't pretty and there aren't many perks to it so when I find one I've got to take it for all that it's worth. 

Yesterday I started my last round of chemo!!! I have one more treatment left and then it's on to radiation. I met with a radiation oncologist earlier this week to learn a little bit more about the process and I'm not going to lie, he said a lot of scary things. In case you didn't know, my lymph nodes that have been infected by the cancer start in my neck, my collar bone area, and continue down around my heart and my left lung. When they start the radiation they want to make sure they treat all of the infected areas which means the radiation will target part of my thyroid, my lung, my heart, and some breast tissue. Because the radiation can be so damaging there are a lot of potential risks with this area the main ones being breast cancer, hypothyroidism, lung diseases, and pericarditis. My initial thought after hearing all of that was nooo way! I'll take my chances with my lymphoma reoccurring. Well turns out, if I don't do the radiation my chances of the lymphoma coming back are almost a sure bet and it's much harder to treat the second time around and I'd be looking at multiple bone marrow transplants. If I go on and do the radiation, because of my age and the fact that my cancer is only in stage two, the chances of all those other complications happening are very low. I've decided to do the radiation this time around and pray to the universe that no cancer or any other disease will come from it! It's safe to say that I am officially sick of being sick and am counting down the days until this nightmare is over and I can have my health and most importantly my hair back! Or is it the other way around..?

Just Another Bump in the Road!

Man I wish that my blog was about something more fun and light hearted like fashion or food! Something we all love, not something we all hate. Wouldn't that be the life?!

Tomorrow will be the end of my third round of chemo. After tomorrow I will only have two more treatments and then I'll be done, right? Wrong! Two weeks ago, when I went in for my fifth chemo treatment, I was scheduled to come in a few hours early to get some lab work done and to meet with the oncologist which we do about every other treatment. While we waited for over an hour to meet with my doctor my mom did a puzzle in the waiting room with me.

 SO much fun right? It sure beats the alternative! If I had the chance to go to HCI and just play puzzles without getting any poison fed into my veins, I would go there every single day. If only! Well we finally got back to meet with Dr. Halwani and after a few minutes of talking to him he informed us that about two weeks after I finish all of my chemo treatments and finish my testing I will have to start.... drum roll please.... Radiation!!!! Radiation sucks because I'll have to come in everyday Monday through Friday for about an hour to receive treatment. We aren't sure about the exact game plan yet, I'll meet with a Radiation Oncologist on April Fools (Ironic right?) to learn more about it but as of now we're thinking about 2-4 weeks.

Yet another bump along the road, but nothing I can't beast through! At this point, if things stay according to the plan, I am officially half way. Fortunately, I hear that radiation is a walk in the park compared to chemo, so hopefully this will be the easier half of the two. As of now I am still continuing to coach the cutest volleyball team ever, taking a practice or two off directly after chemo. It's the only normal part of my life left so I swore no matter how hard it got that I wouldn't give it up, but so far I haven't needed to. They really are an amazing group of girls and their families have all been so helpful and understanding.

A few of the girls after we took first at our last tournament! 

 I honestly don't know what I would do without all of the love and support from you guys. Especially my family, you guys mean everything to me!!

Strategically placed heart because
I just love you guys! ;)