I'm back!!

Well I think it's about time that I update this thing! First and foremost I should start out by saying I am still cancer free! Secondly, in case you haven't heard, I have up and moved to Los Angeles! Pretty crazy huh? I found a little studio apartment in West LA and am loving every second of it so far. I plan on going back to school in the next semester or so, but for right now I am just focusing on getting settled in and exploring the new city.

Obviously one of the first things that I did once I moved out here was find a new oncologist so I wouldn't have to hop on a plane and fly home every three months just to get poked with needles. SO my new oncologist is at City of Hope, which is about 45 minutes away from my apartment but the drive is definitely worth it. My new doctor is AMAZING, and so thorough. I love her.

As far as my symptoms go, there's nothing new there. My chemo brain is still very much a thing, a very annoying thing, but I'm getting better at dealing with it. I normally just start out greeting people with that.. Hi I'm lexi and I have chemo brain so if i just stare at you blankly in mid conversation don't be alarmed it's just my brain not working! Sounds silly huh, but that's the truth. Fatigue is another biggie that I'm still dealing with but  thats getting easier to deal with as well. At first I think I was just so eager to get back to my normal life that all these little changes were so frustrating to me, but what I was so afraid to admit to myself was that I had just beaten CANCER! When I was tired I would feel lazy for not being active all day, or when I couldn't think of the words I was trying to say I would feel stupid, but the fact is I just beat freaking cancer. So I'm learning that it is okay to heal. I'm not going to be back to normal overnight. In face, I don't think there's such thing as back to normal. I will never be the person I was before I got cancer, and I will have lingering side effects for the rest of my life. Which is not ideal obviously, but neither is getting cancer at 20 years old. You just have to roll with what life throws at you. And honestly if it weren't through all of the pain and crap that I went through last year, I don't think that I would be here in LA right now. It's always been a dream of mine to live here but I've never had the courage to, but having a life threatening experience really changes your whole perspective of life. And it's that LIFE IS SHORT! I can't stress that enough. You never know whats going to happen tomorrow, or on your way home from work tonight. Life is so short and in one instant everything can change, so don't take it for granted. Follow your heart, chase your dreams, life to your fullest potential. You only get one shot on this earth, so give it everything you've got.

The

I read this article last night and it's perfect. Check it out!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/stupidcancer/the-10-best-things-about-having-cancer-in-your-twe-4u6a?sub=3319908_3108685

Thats all for now!!! Xoxox

PS. A huge congrats to my friend Ryan who had his LAST chemo treatment this week! Only a few surgeries left and that kid gets to join the Cancer Survivor's Club too!!!! AMAZING!

PPS. Remember that one time a couple months before my diagnosis when I ran a marathon on a WHIM? Well here I am, about nine months into remission and am about to do it again! Don't get me wrong though, I signed up for this thing about 4 months ago, and trained for it for a few weeks but I was getting so down on myself for how slow I am now and how HARD it is for me to run now. But again, hello I've literally been poisoned for months and months. So I told myself that I will run when I can, and I won't when I can't. Well turns out that approach didn't really work because then I never ran. And now here we are, four days until the marathon and I am not trained at ALL for it. I am just going to go out there and give it hell, and hope that I don't pass out. Literally. It's suppose to be 90 degrees. NINETY FREAKING DEGREES. I vowed to never sign up for another one of these things so you can bet I'll be keeping that promise to myself. I HATE RUNNING!

College and Chemo Brain

I'm sorry that its been so long since I've given you all an update, I really wasn't born to be a blogger. It's not that I don't care to update you all on my health and what's been happening in my life because I do! I just always forget, or when I do remember to get on here, I know that I should be spending that time doing homework and studying instead. Yep! You heard me, I am officially a college student again! I decided to squeeze in one more semester of school at the U before I moved to Cali because quite honestly, I was scared that I would never go back. So I pushed my moving date to the end of December and I am currently taking a few classes towards my Exercise and Sports Science degree. As well as a yoga class! Yoga has been one of the best things for me in my recovery process. It is such a cleanse of the mind, body (I sweat like CRAZY in there), and the soul. I feel so spiritually sound after each class which is something I really cherish after the year that I've had. But along with yoga, I am also taking Sports Psychology, Sports in American Society, and Biology. And here is the biggest shocker, I'm actually doing the best in my Biology class, but here's why.

I have this super amazing professor named Professor Temme and the way he teaches is so amazing. He doesn't teach you to get a good grade, he actually teaches you to learn. I don't really know how else to describe it other than there's no memorizing, there's no last minute cramming for a test, either you understand the concepts or you don't. Which I am SO grateful to have a teacher like him, especially this semester. I think I've kind of explained what chemo brain is to you guys, but in case I haven't or you didn't read it, I'll let you know again because it is such a huge part of my life right now. As far as my post cancer/chemo/radiation symptoms go, all of my main symptoms are gone besides a very persistent cough and sore throat, the fatigue is still as present as ever, my hormones are ALL over the place (my Dr. says its kind of like going through puberty all over again but with hot flashes like menopause....great), and the most annoying of all would be my chemo brain. 

The term chemo brain can be kind-of misleading because new studies have shown that it can also be caused by just the cancer itself, so it's also known as cognitive dysfunction or mental fogginess. And it's exactly that. For me personally, I have a very difficult time finding common words from my vocabulary and getting them to come out of my mouth properly. I get really tongue tied, or I can't remember what the word is all together. I struggle putting entire sentences together when I'm talking to someone, almost like my mouth and my brain aren't connected, or most of the time like my brain is just shut off. I have a really hard time focussing on things, and when I can pay attention to whatever it is, I can't store it into my short or long term memory properly so I end up forgetting it. And the absolute worst part of it, which can be directly linked to the chemo, is my memory loss. So many times in the past few months my friends and family have been reminiscing on something and will say, "Do you remember when we did this..?" and I have absolutely no recollection of it.

And I know what most of you are thinking, That happens to me all the time! At least that is what EVERYONE says to me when I try to explain what chemo brain is, and I'm not here to say that's not true because I know it is, these symptoms are all things that happen to us. But the difference is that that's how my brain is about 90% of the day. It doesn't just happen once a week, or once a day, it is ALL the time. I know you are just trying to relate and I do appreciate that, but I just want you to know that it's not the same. But I really wish it was!!! The doctors say it can last a couple months, a couple years, or it might never go away, (which will NOT be the case here) but they told me that working out and going to school and using my brain as much as possible (as hard as it is) can help reduce the symptoms, so I am doing just that. I actually found a t-shirt online that said, "I have chemo brain, what's your excuse?" and I want it so bad! It explains my entire life right now. 

So besides feeling mentally impaired all the time, having pre-teen acne and cramps all over again, and always coughing like a 3 pack a day smoker, I am doing amazing! But in all seriousness, I really am doing great. It sounds bad when I put it all in the same sentence but it's about 50/50 complaining and just trying to update you on where I am in my recovery process. 

I ran my first half marathon about a month ago since being diagnosed, and I am going to San Francisco this weekend for another one! I am slow as molasses, (I blame my poor chemo stricken lungs) but I am just so happy that I have my health back and am able to start doing the things I love again. Don't get me wrong, I definitely do not love running, but I do love working out and treating my body right, so running I will continue to do. 

That's about all I have for now, this turned out to be waaay longer than I planned for it to be, so if you read that whole thing, then you're amazing! Thank you to all my amazing support system, including the 45,000 viewers of my blog! It is so crazy to me that there's that many of you willing to read through all of my rambling and follow my crazy journey and I just can't thank you enough!!!!! XOXOX

P.S. I will post about my Europe trip soon! In the meantime, here is a hair update! This picture is like a month old, so it looks just like this but longer!

A whole lot of catching up..

I think it's only fitting that I change the name of my blog, seems as how I am cancer free now!? Wow. Who would've thought that I would be saying that I beat cancer before I can legally get into the club? I know this might not make sense to most of you, but I feel lucky.. blessed almost, to have been through what I have. No, I wouldn't ask to have cancer, but the people that I've been lucky enough to meet through this journey, along with the courage and the strength inside of me that I didn't realize I had and the second outlook on life (yes, that really is a thing), has changed my life and 100% for the better.

My entire life I have been in love with the beach and I have always thought, "I want to move to LA one day". I never thought that day would actually come though, my entire family and support system is in Salt Lake and has always been in Salt Lake, how could I leave that? It was especially hard about a year and a half ago when I lost my best friend in a car accident. If it weren't for my family, my friends, and my football roomies to sidetrack me and keep me busy, I don't know what I would have done. Then after almost a year had gone by, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was almost a sign from Seth that just because he's gone, doesn't mean that I need to stop living my life. For the longest time I couldn't see myself ever doing anything again that I had ever done with him. I stopped going back home where he had a room in our house, I stopped going to my dads company where he worked, I stopped hanging out with all of our old friends, I stopped hiking up to our favorite look out. I just couldn't imagine life going on the way it was, without the most amazing guy in it. I'm thankful for my roommate and all of his friends for keeping me company and entertained but after a while, I realized I was only masking the problem. Instead of mourning his death and trying to accept the truth of the matter, I just ignored it and pushed it out of my head.

Finding out that I had cancer one hundred percent opened my eyes to everything that had been happening, or lack thereof. I realized that I wasn't living my life to the fullest and that my dreams were just sitting on the top shelf in my closet collecting dust. So I immediately went to LA with Brian to tour a fashion school and started making some plans for when I beat cancer. And that's the thing, I KNEW I would beat it. There was never a doubt in my mind. Everyone always applauds me for my positive attitude and bravery and for a while I thought it was the weirdest thing, I've never really been the bravest person, let alone the most positive. But when I heard my diagnosis I never even thought that dying was a possibility. It literally never crossed my mind, I KNEW everything was going to be okay. Cancer was simply a bump in the road to my crazy journey ahead and I really think that made the world of the difference. I always say, there's not point in worrying because no good will come of it at all. The only thing worrying will do is make the situation worse, which in the eyes of cancer, is the worst thing you can do.

So here I am, the week of my 21st birthday, preparing myself to go to Europe with one of my best friend's for two weeks, all the while packing up my condo to move to California. That's right! In case you haven't already heard, I will be moving to the Santa Monica area on September 19th!!!! I;m not going to school out there right away and to be completely honest I don't really have a set plan. I'm just going to pack up and move out there and trust that everything is going to work out! Thanks to everyone for all the positive words and encouragement, it's been one hell of a year but I am SO much stronger because of that! I am so grateful for the life that I live and that I get to continue to live it every single day.

If there's one thing that you take away from this post, I hope it's that life is a gift. That sounds cheesy but I mean it with every ounce of my body. Stop looking at all the negative things in your life and counting up all your problems and realize just how lucky you are to have those problems. I was lucky enough to have gotten what they say is the best kind of lymphoma you can get. Yes, I am lucky for my cancer. There were so many people that my family and I had the pleasure of getting to know at the hospital whose prognosis wasn't as great as mine. There is always going to be someone out there worse off than you are.. Remember that next time you want to complain about something, anything at that matter.

Don't take advantage of your life, you only get one!

XOXOX

REMISSION!!!

For those of you who haven't heard already... I am in REMISSION!!! On my last day of radiation I met with Dr. Gafney and he said the cancer is completely gone and that I am in remission! I got a cute blanket and a certificate for graduating radiation treatments just like at chemo, it was so fun. All the nurses and technicians gave me their best and in return I gave them all donuts! They have all been so amazing to me at the radiation clinic and I was almost sad to be done. I'm so so glad that my cancer is gone but I really will miss all the amazing people at the hospital! And I know they'll miss me just as much, I'm the most fun and probably only patient under 35 years old ;)

So I know what you guys are going to ask next.. What did you do to celebrate? Well my amazing aunt and uncle took me out boating with them and some of friends up at Pineview Reservoir the same day I found out I was in remission. I went from the hospital to their house and off we went! It was such a blast out on the lake, we went tubing and wake boarding. Tubing was so fun I thought I was going to pee my swim bottoms and wake boarding... It was fun at first!...until I fell and found out later that night that I broke my ankle (the end of my tibia bone) and needed surgery to get screws put in!
JUST MY LUCK! So I had surgery about a week and a half ago and will have to be on crutches for another six weeks.

Also this year is my 21st birthday! My friend Chelsie and I are flying to paris on my actual birthday at the end of July and will be there for a week, until we fly to Germany to spend another week. I have never been to Europe so I am so so excited! regardless of the fact that I will still be in a walking boot. I'm just thankful to be alive and healthy! Thank you to every one of you that has been there for me on this crazy journey that I am glad to say is finally over! Let's celebrate!!!! XOXOX

Radioactive

Today I had my first radiation treatment! I realized that I haven't updated you guys about my radiation plans so here we are. I met with Dr. Gafney, my radiation oncologist that I LOVE, a couple weeks ago to review my PET scan results and to plan my radiation treatment process. He told me that I could not have responded better to the chemo treatments which was so awesome to hear! If my results would have been from a normal person, they wouldn't even be able to detect the amount of cancer that I still have, but since they already know of my cancer, they can see the tiniest amount that's left. So we all decided that radiation was definitely a good idea, we want this to be a one and done deal! So Dr. Gafney and his resident showed me my PET scan too so I could see exaclty where and how much cancer I had which was really cool I'm not going to lie. The red/orange spots on the scan are the cancerous cells, the left one is before chemo and the right is after chemo.

 

So after looking at the scans, Dr. Gafney said that he wants to do fifteen treatments of radiation. The difference between this and chemo is that radiation is everyday Monday through Friday. So they then told me they were fitting me for my mask today and giving me my tattoos. They took me back into this room, laid me on this tiny table and got to work. Keep in mind Dr. Gafney and his resident are both in the room along with one male and two female radiation tech's. So they all start poking and prodding at me, drawing all over my face and abdomen with permanent marker, making notes of where and how they're going to set me up for treatments. Once they get all of their markings in place they tell me they are going to start making the mold for my mask and to lie still. In order to make the mask they drape this large peice of soaking wet and HOT plastic that has holes in it over my face. I'm not going to lie it felt a little suffocating and probably the closest to water boarding that I'll ever experience. Luckily it cooled down and dried fairly quickly,  I just had to lay there for close to twenty minutes while the mask dried. It wasn't as fun as it sounds but I have to say every single person I have worked with in radiation has been so amazing! 

This is my mask all dry and ready to go. It's hard as a rock so I
can't really swallow or even open my eyes.

 

Those fish scales are from my mask,

it's that tight!

This is me on my first day of radiation, today.
I had the nurse take a picture so you could see how crazy it is.

 

This picture is unrelevant to this post but I just want to add
I'm so thankful for makeup! Without eyebrows and eyelashes
I really do look like a cancer patient. ;)

Drum Roll Please!!

I had a post chemo PET scan on monday to see how many lymph nodes are still hyper metabolic (cancerous) and had to wait until today to get my results. We had an appointment this morning at Huntsman to get my results and take some more tests. They had the hardest time getting blood return from my port... again, they always have a hard time but today was extra difficult. Man am I ready to get this thing taken out. Anyways, they finally got it to work after about 16 tubes of saline (they usually only need 2 or 3), and we went back to meet with my doctor.

Every time we have met with my oncologist, I have been less than impressed. He never informs his staff of his plans, let alone me! I don't mean to trash talk him either though because he saved my life, sort of, but man I just am not impressed with him. Anyways, we didn't even get to meet with Dr. Halwani today!! My nurse and my nurse practitioner gave me my results. Which I am not mad about at all, they are some of the most amazing people I've met. SO, Mary (my nurse), was pulling my results out of the printer and as she was walking back to Renee (my NP) to review my test results she says, "This is the worst printer I've ever seen!" Well all I heard was "This is the worst..", so I thought she was talking about my test results! I freaked out for a second but it was actually pretty funny. And then they gave me the results..

AND DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!! 

Of all my cancerous lymph nodes, there is one left and it has shrunk so much from that chemo that they believe it will go completely away on its own in the next few weeks!!! I can't say that I'm cancer free yet because I don't want to jinx that last little guy, but the prognosis was amazing! I still meet with my radiation oncologist on Wednesday so he can review my results and decide what we should do regarding radiation. My guess is that we will still go through with a little bit of radiation just to help that last little guy along and to be safe! I'd rather get rid of every last little bit right now and not have to worry as much later on in life. 

So that's that! The chemo worked and we are so close to being done with this mess! XOXOX!!!

My Last Chemo Treatment!!!!!

Tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. in the Infusion Center at The Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah I, Alexis Marie Isbell, will be receiving my last chemotherapy treatment for stage 2b Hodgkin's Lymphoma!! Hopefully ever, but lets not jinx it, I'm still young and my chances of having cancer again in my lifetime are unfortunately a lot higher than most of you, purely because I've had it already. I have never been more excited to get poisoned!

After tomorrow the doctors will wait about 10 days for my last chemo treatment to run its course through my system, to start doing tests. Then they'll do another PET scan to see how much of the cancer is gone and how much of it, if any, remains. Once they get the results of that, I'll meet with my radiation oncologist again to find exactly how many sessions of radiation I'll need. Then I'll make another appointment to get fitted for my radiation mask and tattoos! Say what?! The mask is like a mesh thing that wraps around your face and is extremely tight. A friend of mine who went through the exact same thing as me, says that it's so tight that if I go into it with my eyes open I can close them, but if I go into it with my eyes closed, I can't open them! Crazy huh. The tattoos aren't as cool as they sound, they are just little freckle sized dots surrounding the area they will treat, so that they know they are treating the exact same area every single time. After I get fitted for my mask I'll have to wait another week or so to start treatment. Then I'll undergo about three weeks of radiation therapy, which unlike chemo, I have to go in every day for. It should only take up about 30 minutes of my day, and the actual radiation part only lasts about two minutes. The main side effects are fatigue (what's new?), sensitive skin in the treatment area (like a sunburn), and a sore throat. Overall, WAY better than chemo!!

It feels like that last four months of my life have dragged on, but I am so excited to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel!